What is depression?
It is the inability to understand and/or control the factors that drive us. It also arises from incorrect understanding and/or application of the cause and effect factors that drive us.
In short, I think it is the inability to change or inability in finding motivation to change.
I think that I lack the courage to change for my dream, so I try to remind myself this quote.
Quote from Berserk (which incidentally might be the answer to solving my dilemma)
Griffith: Why do men prefer fighting? Men probably have savage minds. But they exist to protect a respectable person and for certain victory.
Charolette: Respectable person? His family and loved ones?
Griffith: Some people think so. But then if he's really a man he will find something more important. Not for any person but for his very own dream. One will wield a sword for his dream while one has a dream to explore the world and another has a dream of ruling over that world. One is supported by the dream, tortured by the dream, living by the dream, and killing by the dream. Even if one is killed by the dream he would be happy and honored. A real man will have a dream like this in his life. A life that has fulfilled his dream. I cant live simply because I was born. I want to live because I have a dream.
Charolette your friends must be fascinated by your ideas.
Griffith: They're my excellent subordinates. They're important associates who help make my dream come true. But...they're not my friends. A friend would never help my dream. A friend is someone who has his own dream and strives to make it come true. And if someone tries to destroy his dream he will try to destroy that person.