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Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Emotional Abuse

Captain Emotional's Log:

Week 5 : Happily swimming in the primordial goo of life, emotions were born and for the first time in my life I got a heavy dose of WTF!
A feeling I was to grow comfortable with all throughout my journey.
Swimming in darkness I knew not where to go or what to do but wait, for I had nowhere to go and nothing to do.

Week 38 : For a few days now, I was fearful that someone was wanting me out of my home. A fear that was pushed into existence my someone who I later knew to be my mother.
Wet, cold, scared and startled at the world around me,I was upside down and felt a sharp smack on my buttocks and thus felt my first homeostatic emotion...PAIN.
I cried and I cried but for some reason the people around me were smiling, congratulating even dancing around me. I knew not why.

Month 13 : I reached a milestone today and I was happy. I could now walk and slowly run away from what I found to be distasteful. But "taste" it seems is a genetic inevitability as it is a acquired ability.

Year 5 : Kinder-garden Ahhh... the fun. It was pure joy just play with toys, chill around, laugh and have fun.
Little did I know that this was the silence before the storm. A storm of endless competition,grade mongering and soul-less aim chasing ; moderated by corporations motivated solely by profit of aimless souls.

Year 12 : Puberty strikes.
I don't like the fact that I start growing hair on my body and that my voice starts to crack.
I start liking girls and my testosterone makes me want to punch any random guy square in his face. There is much heart break and even more emotional upheaval caused solely by my changing body.

Year 23: First Job.
Initially...... Money,independence Wohoo!!!
After a little I have to go everyday?
What did you say? No promotion !! Man that sucks. I quit.

Year 46 : Now I know mid-life crisis is the best thing that happened to me....why you ask?
Kids don't listen, job has been monotonous for a while now.
Been trying to keep up with the Joneses, but they always tend to stay higher.
I love my life. This is a lie.

Year 63.7 : On my death bed.
By bones are aching. My minds racing with regrets.
I am just waiting for the reaper to end this X-(
Second life here I come!

Round two?!
Bow wow...humping legs and more bow wow.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Future Perfect

Money spending potential is what a persons worth is.

The media manipulates and people conform, the result is that the corporation walks away with a fat paycheck.

Lessons learned :

1. Media/Corporations/Family.... every one benefits from conformists. So the society essentially builds itself around such that it encourages or more bluntly forces children to be mindless puppets.

2. People are not encouraged to express their individuality and worst of all people are happy with it, because in their minds they have attained the cool image as endorsed by the media.

3.What is individuality? isn't it a fabrication of the media, and capitalized by corporate giants.I mean look at the sixties the clothing, hair everything is different from now but they were cool right?

4. What does a person need...primarily food, all the other needs are fabricated just so that people can spend.

5. Whenever you are compelled to do something over and over again. Take care, you might be trapped in a vicious cycle of spending.

6. Ending matters most, if the ending is nice the unpleasantness of the journey is more often forgotten.

So basically life comes down to 2 option 1. Run the headonic treadmill 2. Don't run :P

But the future hopefully wont be so bleak

People will learn to farm 'savants'. Yes it true, children will be farmed and grown to be geniuses with only one purpose..Scientific inquiry into the anything and everything there is.

Future kids will be specialists from birth.

Special training schools will train them to excel in a field.

Others who need to excel in teamplay will be playing together from their childhood.

Later on after 25 they will be free to close their liking, which is unlikely as what they have know all their lives is most likely going to be what they like.

Will they be happy, surely they will be.

Even a person who is paralyzed from neck below eventually agrees that he is happy, then what of other people.

It does not matter if you are a beggar or a king, what you have is happiness. Friends family are all part of that happiness.

For the nth time. Stop procrastination, you know now is all you have.

From right now computer blocked.

No YouTube,No anime/manga, no media what so ever. Off facebook till July end.

No used of computer except - - And checking mail once a day only, any other used means that you are being manipulated by some force.

Continuing that way is relinquishing your freedom thus your right to life are you have already ceased to live.

Additional activities if any. VBA, drawing, blogging.

Nth time "fail" again.....

I cant do anything.Even dying needs you to take a stand, I cant even take that.

Man is not a creature of logic, he is a creature of emotion and logic. There has to be emotional satisfaction on order to be satisfied.

Material things are not capable of giving emotional satisfaction.

Today there is focus on the material aspects of life for some reason.

Take whatever kind of person you want, even someone who has won a lottery is as happy as the person who is parallelized down the neck(Counter intuitive but true)

The happiness we seek is a inherent part of us, even if we chose other wise it will find us. It however comes at a price which is periodic happiness mixed in with periods of relative sadness.

Thus a person is bound to feeling happy and sad. There is no universal panacea, people are bound to be happy and sad and happy and sad. This is a fact of life, whether you accept it or not.

So the question comes what of the additional things we do in order to feel happy. e.g. drinking alcohol,shopping, whatever you can do to feel happy.

It is temporary, period.

One can argue that one can live a happy life by balancing all these things, and understanding that sadness is a integral part of life. I think that it is a given that people do live that way.

I dont want to live that way, it is painful to cling on to things that I get used to. I hate to see the things that I 'love' get boring after some time. I hate the repetitiveness of life.

I need the power to oppose the things that mean harm to me. I need to learn to say no. I need to accept myself as I am.I am ready to die now, all I need to do is really be happy and right now I am not happy.

I think I will imagine myself naked in front of a huge crowd and will say to them that I will do what I want to do, they will not influence me I will follow my conviction.

I will also imagine myself in front of my family, opposed by my family especially my father I will stand by what I believe will bring me happiness.

I think I need to say fuck you to people more often, I should not give a damn about what people will think this wastes my resources. So fuck off people I dont care about what you think.

Motivation is not dependent on your thinking, it more dependent on the environment and your reaction to it. Cultivate a good response. the end all i meet is failure. I think he and I have become good friends. Its sad...if failure was a girl i am sure she would like me..seeing it close to me so much.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Four Men

It chanced upon a winter’s night
Safe sheltered from the weather.
The board was spread for only one,
Yet four men dined together.
There sat the man I meant to be
In glory, spurred and booted.
And close beside him, to the right
The man I am reputed.
The man I think myself to be
His seat was occupying
Hard by the man I really am
To hold his own was trying.
And all beneath one roof we met
Yet none called his fellow brother
No sign of recognition passed
They knew not one another.

Author unknown