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Tuesday, June 22, 2010

The Beef

No, I wont start by saying that I've never done this before because I haven't and I don't feel like saying it.
Does admitting that you have posted an ad on craigslist make you a loser?
Seriously does it?
I cant hear your answer....seriously dude don't play around I cant hear you!
Oh my god!!! have I gone deaf ! damn this !
This is bad, I don't have insurance..I have already sold my brain to the flying capitalist pigs that rule the world....losing my eyes will be too bad.
But wait a minute even if I had insurance...there is no way I'd get my money back.
The flying capitalist pig owns it all...... you don't ever get your money back, you can only spend it.

What do humans desire ? Infinity ?
What do humans need ? Food,clothing,shelter, love..... isn't that all.
There is a conspiracy and we are a part of it.
"I think you might be right" agreed the beef. From his tone you would feel his sense of remorse, but as to why it was that remained a mystery.
" What are you talking..." I tried to question but shut my mouth when I saw out of the corner of my eye, my laptop.
It was perched on top of my dull table.Against my dark room its screen was a sharp contrast,it almost reminded me of a pleasant thing I used to see in the days when I dared to venture out, as I tried to strain my non existent brain I realised that it reminded me of the full moon.
Nay it was my full moon, just as the werewolf transforms on seeing the moon I too start to transform as the screen beckons me always to get my hit.The transformation had begun, the results were always deadly.
I transformed into a being that could run away from everything that was of meaning to any and everyone. As I tried to pull away from my comforting sofa to reach the table I heard a familiar voice.
" Snap out of it boy! " shouted the beef who was now visibly annoyed. I knew he wanted to say something important so I tried to come back to reality.
The beef continued " I was born in spring, I still remember the warmth but more than that I remember the warmth that my mother gave me she loved me,cared for me. But one day they came........the drones they took me away " the beef now broke down completely. His tears now visible, made him even more tender.
"I understand what you are going through" I lied in a attempt to sound interested.
As the sound of bovine sobbing filled the room, melancholy came and sat besides me as she always does.
I whipped up my Ipod-shuffle instinctively and hit the play button.
The sobbing grew louder and louder,in the background Royksopp played his famous song Eple as if to compliment it.
"So Mr. Beef did you have a girlfriend?" I asked to change the topic.
As sharply as a dry twig breaks the crying broke into hysteric outrageous wailing. Obviously I had asked the wrong question.
I could not help but wonder why it happened. Was it a loss of someone, or absence of one.
From the looks of it It was going to be a long night so I quickly settled deeper into my comforting sofa chilling to the beats of Groove Armada playing at the river.
With a grim tone but still sobbing the beef continued "The drone.........*sob* they are horrendous creatures *sob* they took me to a farm far away and fed me my own brethren"
"What!" I interrupted to sound shocked.
"Yes it is true" the beef said to let the truth settle in.
"F**ck the past man" I said.
"You are here now healthy and well, that's what matters doesn't it?" I asked hoping to cheer him up.
"That it correct and I have you to thank, if it wasn't for you I would have died in the endless frozen aisle of doom" replied the beef.
"Oh its nothing..its nothing" I said modestly.
 "OK lets forget about me.Tell me about you?" prodded the beef.
"Umm... what do you want to know?" I asked quite apprehensively as I never like to talk, let alone about myself.
"What kind of girl are you looking for?" asked the beef
"Wow!do you have some kind of clairvoyance?" I questioned unable to comprehend how he figured out my search for a girlfriend.
"Oh that's was easy to figure out, the craigslist personal's page was open on your laptop"
*shuffle* The Knife stabbed me with N.Y. Hotel
"So that why...... anyways my ideal girl should be boring, unhappy, with an inability or unwillingness to connect meaningfully with the world and certainly being paranoid will help" I said quite unassumingly.
"WTF! are you crazy boy" shouted the beef.
Ignoring the beef I continued " I don't want the perfect girl, I just want to connect with someone I can understand"
"You are mad boy! you will never attain happiness this way" claimed the beef.
"No.................... you are the mad one........cow" I silently rested my case.

Monday, June 7, 2010

A contradiction called life

Life is a contradiction.

Life contains the seed of death.

Nothing can escape death.

We were not here yesterday nor will we be here tomorrow.

The only proof of our being is now.

So in a broad perspective what we do now is what we are.

That marks our existence.

This may be self evident or even plain simple.

But even so most of our lifes revolve around self stimulation.

I dont mean sexual self stimulation but may be any kind of stimulation in a sense that everything we do is in a way designed to forget our mortality or mean to escape the fact that life truly is boring.

I want to see what will happen if someone embraces life as an incarnation of boredom.

Will he give up hope and die, or will he take that chance to be something which defies the concept of a human being. I am curious.

Read for some insights... Huxley's Brave New World also makes for a interesting read.

So with that said we stop looking at the future and come to now.

Now is everything, but it has physics of its own.

Now wants to exist forever.

It is a product of proliferation, and indoctrinates proliferation

The first step of conquering now is to leave all self image behind.

We may have intent but cling on to self images of the past, because thats what we are programmed to do.

I mean it is easier for a poor person to aim to have a secure life than it is for a person who has everything in life to have a higher goal.

The reason being that our basic needs are fulfilled, so strictly in the point of view of our body it needs nothing more and the mind forms a weak motivator as compared to the purely physical needs.

So one must be ready to relinquish all that we were, and even be ready to accept a position inferior to what we were presently in order to learn.

Secondly man and possibly lastly ? man is a slave to habit, use it in order to benefit you to conquer now.

Its in a sense which is similar to bad things begetting bad things and vice versa.

Side notes : People and things made by people are made to influence other people, stay away from some and cling on to what motivates you towards your goal.

For what reason did this post digress from trying to explain life as a contradiction to some futile copy cat- self help post : The reasons are at best unknown.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Hikikomori ひきこもり or 引き籠もり

What do you do when cant change?

Why cant you change?

What is change?
Change is beginning to follow a different pattern of behavior.

So why cant you follow a different pattern of behavior?

Its not that I cant.... its more like that I dont.

I do not have to be someone great to have a worth.

Is everyone worthy or is everyone trash?
Trash does not start out to be trash, it serves its purpose and then becomes trash.People are the same.

Trash is sometimes useful too but EVENTUALLY everything becomes trash.

People talk as if there is grandeur in titles/results/positions. Get real life is not a movie.

Why is there pursuit of grandeur when all there is to attain is trash.

In the end nothing matters, all that matters is RIGHT NOW.Now defines the past,present and the future.Now is what we have worth doing.

If we focus on the present what is the difficulty?

Difficulty 1 : Mind is unable to decide.

Solution : Streamline the day eg. wake up at time X ; read something from X to X ; and so on and so forth.

Difficulty 2 : There is a vague understanding of what to do but an even vaguer understanding of what not to do. Even the things that one should absolutely not do seem right at that moment.

Solution : Accept the fact that life is boring. Deal with it and pursue what you want to.Initially there might be resistance but slowly things should look good.

Pursue a language: Japanese.

Learn to draw : Anything.

Study : Material at hand.

Write : Anything.

Am I an unreliable narrator?

I think I am not, but I can be.