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Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Struggle


Day 1 :

Contemplating death seems to have made me work for a day... It would be funny if I misspelled day as gay.

Somehow I am more pious, had the need to believe in or call to god.

Things seem possible, I think I remember at least a shadow of my former self.

Future looks possible, relationships seems important, task seem worth doing, life seems worth living.

But this condition is heavily dependent on the emotional state which is not necessarily reproducible everytime.

Thus the possibility of my shadow manifesting into a reality still looks like a distant dream.

But dreams are worth living, so surely life seems worth a try.

Additionally, Morning revelation 2 : Body and mind are separate.

Body cant really be controlled, the only real control in the body is habit.

So don't pick up bad habits, as the body can change your thought process.

You don't want to discover you did something you never wanted to do.

Day 2:

....Brainjacked....

Relapsed.

No remorse.

No hope.

All that remains is for life to take its toll.

Just realized what it means to be "the dude"

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