Manga Pictures

Thursday, April 22, 2010

The Root?


Persisting problem is of inconsistency.

Inconsistency of thought, inconsistency of decision, inconsistency of action.

However the main inconsistency is in the process which decides what to do.

Qn : How to solve the dual standard ?

Ans: I remember the times in my life when I was ill. I remember those times because those times were the times I had clarity of thought. The vision to be, the vision of what I am. The realization of the frailness of nature. The realization of the needless hubris.

Also, I remember the times in my life when I had faith.I remember those times because those times were the times I felt sanctity. The thought that you "fit in the world". The realization that there is someone above. The realization that things will be ok.

I think that if I remember these two things more often, this will solve the inconsistency. Solve the dissonance within.

Why?

Don't know.

Time will tell.............................Or not, this too time will tell

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Struggle


Day 1 :

Contemplating death seems to have made me work for a day... It would be funny if I misspelled day as gay.

Somehow I am more pious, had the need to believe in or call to god.

Things seem possible, I think I remember at least a shadow of my former self.

Future looks possible, relationships seems important, task seem worth doing, life seems worth living.

But this condition is heavily dependent on the emotional state which is not necessarily reproducible everytime.

Thus the possibility of my shadow manifesting into a reality still looks like a distant dream.

But dreams are worth living, so surely life seems worth a try.

Additionally, Morning revelation 2 : Body and mind are separate.

Body cant really be controlled, the only real control in the body is habit.

So don't pick up bad habits, as the body can change your thought process.

You don't want to discover you did something you never wanted to do.

Day 2:

....Brainjacked....

Relapsed.

No remorse.

No hope.

All that remains is for life to take its toll.

Just realized what it means to be "the dude"

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Shame....Guilt....Incapable


I am not smart.

Nor am I intelligent.

Get a degree with a high grade.

You will probably get a job somewhere.

Get married.

Have children.

Grow old, then die.

Alternately.

Don't do anything.

Renounce everything.

Grow old, then die happy?

Alternately.

Live like an addict.

And you are dead anyways.

Addiction is not bad. Its what you are addicted to thats bad. Or addiction, either good or bad is in itself bad. So life has no meaning now does it?

What ever the case, I suck. It sucks to suck. Still I don't feel any shame or guilt, as long as I have my dope.

This should suck, this should be bad, still its not..... why?

Thats why I am where I am and not where I should be nor where I can be nor where I want to be.

Animal

Net is my escape.

Sleep is my escape.

Manga is my escape.

Anime is my escape.

I check mail incessantly.

I smoke and drink regularly.

Escape is all I do.

Escape is all I care for.

I try and change, but cant change.

Is it me who is living or someone else.

" I change shapes just to hide in this place but I'm still I'm still an animal

Nobody knows it but me when I slip yeah I slip I'm still an animal"


Sunday, April 11, 2010

Conditioned heart


OK, Morning revelation!

Although straight forward it does has some practical use.

Why is it that we can study during the exam, wake up on time during the exams.

Or in short, do some things exceptionally well under some conditions but fail to do so in regular times.

Well I think that its the external condition at those times, which triggers a specific mental state, which helps us do the particular thing.

For example : During exam times the situation is such that you are time pressed, thus when the alarm clock rings you are more likely to see it as a opportunity to do your work. 

But in normal times you are more likely to view it inherently as a nuisance, because the external conditions don't really reinforce your good intension of waking up early.

Also as a passing note do check out my photobucket link (http://s836.photobucket.com/albums/zz288/borehotai/).

I read a lot of manga, so whenever i come across an interesting page I save it and upload it on photobucket.

Most of the pictures are saved either because they are beautiful, or because they signify something important for the particular story line.

Or simply it may be that I liked the dialogues, so that being said, enjoy.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

I am I will because I want and I believe.



Individualism.

Learn to believe in your opinions.

It might hurt someone, but you cant please everyone all the time.

Have faith, suffer and you will find the answer, if not It will build character.

Try not to measure yourself with the opinions of other, It is important but a balance needs to be drawn too.

Same can be said about not trying to please everyone all the time, individuality is important but in a society non-conformists will be alone, if you are fine with it, then so be it.

Most people respect your position not you, we earn real respect by our character formed out of our individuality.

Have courage in your decisions, try and get things done individually, only when you get absolutely stuck then ask for help.

Don't be afraid of criticism, It is there to motivate you to do even better.

Don't be afraid of failure, it's a stepping stone to success that awaits you.

I don't think i can unlearn the stuff i did for these many years, but I'll try my best.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Pride


(Reminder : Copy ebook in USB before sleeping!)

Pride, Its something I forgot about. In my vain attempt to inculcate humility, I lost what ever pride I had.

Pride, Of what I am, What I want to be, Of the consequences, thereof.

I did not become humble, I also lost my individuality.

I became a soulless doll, dancing on the thread of life, 

Dancing to the unknown tune, unheard, lost in transition.

I am happy, I found out the thing which was hurting me the most.

Something needs to be done. Apathy please don't kill me.